All I want is just this small space in a huge online world to rant and share what I really love. So you can either like it or hate it and F off <3

Read my VisualDNA™     Get your own VisualDNA™

well so a lot has been going on since i was absent from this blog. i cried. yes i cried but not in front of the wardrobe mistress of course. many ppl have told me to since it'll scare the shit outta her but i didnt really wna show her my weakness. basically it has been shit for me working under her. with the title of wardrobe mistress, one would imagine someone who is capable of managing a wardrobe (which includes: having a good grasp of various sewing skills, knowing how to tailor costumes, designing and having a good colour sense). this is the basic skills a wardrobe mistress should have. unfortunately, the one i work under doesnt know how to do anything, so basically shes useless. i have never seen such a leech on society, someone who is so useless but rides on the talents and hard works of other, in this case, me. she has told many lies that have painted a nasty impression of me to the manager who i work directly under, hence making me look like a liability to the company rather than an asset. that was one of the factors that built up to my emotional breakdown last thurs.

take for example a simple case of shortening pants. i admit tt i cant do it well because i have NO experience as compared to someone who has had 36 yrs in the same place to work on a basic skill. that woman shortened a pants by stitching it after folding the excess in which gave a heavy look because she refuses to cut anything. when my boss questioned her, she LIED by pushing the blame to me, saying that i did it. what kind of moral person would blatantly LIE in front of others just so tt they dont get themselves into deep shit. it amazes me how she did it without batting an eyelid.

another incident would be how she refuses to give me money to purchase cloth for my item although she was obliged to give it to me since she is after all the wardrobe mistress. instead, she asked me to get the money from my colleague from the artiste department, claiming on grounds that it is his item when she obviously knew it was her responsibility. she has given thousands to previous designers who have come back to MDC for reservice, never complaining but being such an inhumane dog when it came to giving me a fraction of money.

anyway after building up all my pent up anger, hurt and frustration for about 6 months now, i just BROKE DOWN!! i cried for half an hr screaming slogans like "I HATE HER!!" or "I WANT TO KILL HER!!" or "SHES A BLOODY BITCH!!". not that my parents could stop me since they knew i wld just say it anyway. i was so angry for letting her trample over me and for letting her take advantage of my meekness and my basic respect for a superior by not talking back or screaming at her. shes someone who will never gain my respect because other than being a parasite in this society, she is nothing in my eyes. of course i dont wish her death, although in my anger i did, but i hope that she will reap what she sows one day. the day isnt for me to decide because as my parents said: let god do it because he said in the bible that "vengeance is mine".

now for the music. hahaha. recently, ive been listening a lot to the saturdays because they are really good. i think they're still quite indie in singapore but they're supposed to be quite big in the uk. anyway heres an example of their song.



its been quite sometime since i last blogged although ive been online almost everyday. some things have happened both good and bad i guess.

the most recent unfortunate events happened this week. lets start of with MC. tt bitch is just incorrigible. i seriously hate her. a few months ago i gave out white flair pants to the artistes, eight to be exact for an item they were putting up. i didnt write anything on the pants because i didnt what to write or whether i was allowed to write on the pants so i gave it to them in their plastic bags. but someone didnt return and it cldnt be traced becos there was nothing written on the pants. she said if i cldnt find it i wld have to pay. firstly this is NOT my fault becos shes supposed to be present at work and not be slacking. secondly, i was still quite new at that pt of time. thirdly, im a nsf not a dxo. the superior has to take the responsibility esp since she has been doing this job for friggin 36 yrs and still cant do it well. so if she does make me pay, i will complain to the sib. srsly i was so affected i just cried. luckily only lynn saw my tears. sigh. then after tt i wrote down ALL my offs which is equivalent to my overtime pay. i have 19.5 days but it seems managers can cancel offs which they feel is not relevant or something like tt. WTF!! srsly. i worked hard for my offs. many a day i had to come back to work early in the morning after a performance at night. now tt is srsly unfair. i will complain to sib too if tt happens after i enquire the rights a nsf has. srsly i cld be out of army doing something useful with my life but i have to sacrifice to serve the nation for a small sum of money so like what the hell. anyway as i always say. i LOVE my job but i HATE my bosses (the two tt im directly under).

on a happier note. my friends in the artiste department have also been very very very good to me. they are like my oxygen in mdc. without them i think i wld have turned mental under all the stress those two bitches place on me.

i also met up with wg, javier, june and justin tonite. it was gd becos i havent been out for like the whole week becos i was so friggin tired during the week. we went somewhere near my hse which is so random becos a lot of ppl wld assume we wld go to town but we dun mind anywhere as long as we can catch up with one another. ive still yet to meet my clique. hahaha. dunno where they mia-ed to. haha.

oo and i love this madonna song. its been out for sometime now. but i just cant stop gushing about it. it isnt her best song but the song is so catchy i just want to like dance when i hear it.



and gossip girls, antm and project runway are all out. this gives me something to look forward to when im not meeting my friends. YEAH!! ive alr watched 4 episodes of project runway season 6. so far no designer has really caught my eye. but im sure one of them will stand out soon like how in season 4 i just adored christian siriano. hahaha. anym cycle 13 also has an interesting twist this time round. they have decided to groom models that are petite. sound unusual but i think its quite awesome that tyra gives chances to everyone. sounds mean but i think if they did have a big girls edition i dun think i wld watch it. i still believe in the whole a-model-should-be-skinny theory. its only then that clothes can be shown off the way a designer imagines (at least that is what all the famous high end brands believe in esp the wonderful karl lagerfield). oo and gossip girls. it is so refreshing to watch it after not being aired for so long. i love the fact that there seems to be a few twists to the plot and i cant wait to see how everything unfold. of course its always great to see all the beautiful people in the cast of gossip girls esp my favourite leighton meester and all the boys. hahahaha. anyway all these shows are a must watch so do catch it soon((:

life as a fashion designer is never as easy as one imagines. people who don't work in the fashion industry will never be able to fully comprehend the blood sweat and tears that go into every single piece of clothing sent down the runway. this thought dawned upon me while i was watching "the day before fendi", a documentary of the fendi fall09 show. the whole process of watching the show made me feel worn out as i tried to place myself in the shoes of the people who work round the clock to make the fashion show a success. karl lagerfield is such an inspiration as i really saw how he managed to adapt to his surroundings and really blend with his work environment. he has such grace when he walks so much so that he exudes a certain presence that is uniquely his. he also manages to use his design eye to create perfection even if it means being brutal while crediting the people that he feels deserves his praise.

on a personal note. life has not been the easiest being at home and i much enjoy being outside with my friends. true what my parents say of family always being there for you in times of trouble but they can also be the source of ur unhappiness which in this case has been what ive been feeling. ever since my coming out, ive had NO PEACE from my mother. shes been always on the offensive which is making my life miserable. its in times like these when what the counselors say about parents needing to support their children for who they are becomes so important in the child's life. i can officially say that my parents DONT!! i feel kinda claustrophobic at home. no doubt its been a little better talking things out but ive also opened another door for trouble, mainly the _____phobic tendencies of my mother. this annoys me A LOT and sometimes i just want to scream at her, telling her to SHUTUP because you here her whining about how miserable she is that i give her trouble although i dont see how i have destroyed her life. i am neither rude nor do i give her a hard time. it kinda affects me and i feel my life becoming a little more miserable as the days go by. in fact i cant wait for the day where i can move out of this home so tt some of unhappiness in my life can be cut off. she says i have a loose mouth but she shld look in the mirror. the theory of pot calling the kettle black really applies in this case and i can say that her words to me are cutting enough to make me dislike her.
other than tt its back to work tmr. so signing off.