All I want is just this small space in a huge online world to rant and share what I really love. So you can either like it or hate it and F off <3

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i kinda feel very tired with my life. i feel insufficient and so lousy. i got a C for my prelims drama. how sucky is tt la. i was damn sad. i almost cried. i worked my butt off but i guess working my butt off was just not enough. my heart was seriously broken. ever since i grew up, my self esteem levels hav just gone down. i guess its the way ppl treat me. i just feel lyk screaming at them sometimes and tell them to just shut their big freaking ass mouth. i get criticised everywhere i go. for everything and anything, even the most minor of things. somehow my stupid ass character forgives all these ppl thx to my love for harmony in this world. i just really feel lyk breaking down and having a really good crying session becos i guess tt wld make me feel better. ive just gone through so much in my jc yrs no matter how little it might seem to those who are suffering more than me. but its me. my life. so of course my degree of suffering and another's will be different. its kinda irritating that wen i whine, ppl tell me "stop whining" or "i suffer more than u wad" lyk hello, wad happened to the sympathy of this world, this cynical world tt i live in. is life so hard to live. i really love my juniors and sometimes i just envy them for their bunny rabbit attitudes. i dont understand how they have so much joy in them when all my joy has been mostly sucked away these 2 recent yrs. i try so hard at everything but i still suck at it. and i dun even get any encouragement. wen i sing, ppl tell me to shut up or tt i suck, hence i limit myself to singing to myself in hushed tones. i noe it seems really weird tt i say this of myself but i noe tt i hav self esteem issues. i just dun feel confident enough to speak out in front of ppl alr. my entire extroverted loud behaviour is just a facade to make ppl think tt i am happy wen actually life is at its suckiest. haiz. i just dun tink my existence in this world is appreciated. i'm the butt of all jokes and i am happy tt ppl are happy. but i just cannot bring myself to smile so much anymore. the jokes tt ppl tell me and wen i laugh really loudly are just signs of my depressed life. they r just temporary before i realize tt life sucks again. i really wish life would quickly speed up. i dun really lyk this juncture of my life. of course the frens are fine and everything but i just dun feel the immense amount of happiness and belonging i felt in saint joseph's institution. why is tt? why doesnt someone just tell me? my social life and everything might b gg well but i guess my emotional state of mind is just a total wreck. i wish i cld just cry right now and just have someone real close to comfort me. i wish.

anyway, yesterday was my sister's birthday and i felt genuinely happy tt day becos although i dun say it out loud, i do love my sister. mushy i noe but well there is a different way in which she and i communicate. somehow we got closer as we got older. we still fight but it only brings us closer. her birthday was also significant becos it was also the day tt singapore got the first ever youth olympics bid. im quite proud tt we are hosting something so fantastic but again the whoo haa isnt needed. anyway, congrats singapore on ur win. im really proud. i also went to the national museum today to enjoy the fantastic works that the Greeks of the 5th century BC created. it was so beautiful and so well crafted that some of them almost seemed real. i was quite satisfied with this excursion as i really saw some wonderful pieces of work tt seems impossible to be done. haha. i guess it was a great experience and i'll put up photos in my next post.